6 Myths About Cheating and Affairs (That You Might Want to Stop Believing)

Infidelity in relationships is becoming increasingly common, even in long term relationships and marriages. Whether you’ve been cheated on or you’re simply curious about it, there are some misconceptions about cheating and affairs that may be doing you more harm than good. We’ve addressed some of the common myths about infidelity so you can learn more about it and what it means to you.

1

Myth: An affair always destroys a relationship.

Many relationships come back stronger after infidelity. While it may seem difficult after the initial shock of an affair, many couples use it as an opportunity to work on their relationship. With the help of time, effort, and couple’s counseling, a relationship can come back better than ever, as long as both parties are on board.^{[1]XTrustworthy SourceMayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitalsGo to source}
- It’s important not to make any rash decisions after discovering an affair. If you’ve been cheated on, you’ll probably feel a lot of emotions at first—take the time to examine them and figure out what you’d like to do next.
- If you were the person who cheated, be consistently transparent with your partner as you move forward. Also, keep in mind that it will take time for your partner to begin to trust you again.^{[2]XExpert SourceMichelle Joy, MA, MFT
  Licensed Marriage & Family TherapistExpert Interview. 26 June 2020.}
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2

Myth: Most people who cheat were looking to have an affair.

Some people cheat because they’re put in a tempting situation. This is super common when someone cheats on their spouse with a coworker or employee. Spending long hours at the office, having close conversations, and working late can all foster an environment where cheating feels natural. While that doesn’t excuse the fact that they cheated, you can rest assured that they didn’t set out one day to cheat on you.^{[3]XResearch source}
- People in urban areas are also more likely to cheat than people in rural ones. Cities have more people, which creates a sense of comfortable anonymity.

3

Myth: Affairs are all about sex.

Sometimes it’s about the emotional connection. There are different kinds of affairs: some really are all about sex, while some are about a romantic connection with another person. The ones that involve romance usually indicate a problem within the relationship or marriage (but not always).^{[4]XResearch source}
- Some affairs even involve romance without the sex (think going out on dates but not taking anyone home). These are all about the connection with another person outside of the relationship.
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4

Myth: Most people who cheat are unhappy.

Many people who cheat report being happy in their relationships. Someone cheating doesn’t automatically mean they hate you or they’d like to break up—in fact, in a study done about cheating, 56% of men and 34% of women said they were happy or very happy in their marriages. Infidelity is caused by many factors, and relationship problems aren’t always the only driving force.^{[5]XResearch source}
- Cheating can also be a sign that the person who cheated might be going through emotional turmoil. Unaddressed mental health or addiction issues can lead to infidelity.

5

Myth: If there’s no sex, it’s not cheating.

An emotional affair can also be considered cheating. It’s up to you to set boundaries with your partner and figure out what’s okay and what’s not. An emotional affair can involve texting someone else, sharing intimate details with someone else, taking someone else out on dates, or exchanging lewd photos with someone else. Even if there is no actual sexual contact, any and all of these factors can cross the line into cheating.^{[6]XResearch source}
- Some people are okay with their partner flirting or chatting with other people, even during a relationship. It’s important to talk with your partner about what’s allowed and what isn’t so no one crosses a boundary accidentally.
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6

Myth: Men are more likely to cheat than women are.

In general, it’s about the same. While older men are more likely to cheat than older women, younger women actually cheat on their partners slightly more than younger men do. In any case, gender doesn’t have much to do with whether or not someone will cheat—it depends on the relationship, the environment, and the person as an individual.^{[7]XResearch source}

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Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?
Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Michelle Joy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and serves on the Board of Directors for the Couples Institute Counseling Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. With almost 20 years of therapy training and experience, Michelle offers couples therapy intensives, communication workshops, and Marriage Prep101 Workshops. Michelle is also a certified Enneagram teacher, has presented at the 25th annual International Enneagram Conference, and is a graduate of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy – Advanced Level. She received an MS in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University.
Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Answer
It's possible for your relationship to recover. If you're the cheater, you need to be truly transparent with your partner moving forward. Additionally, give them time to process what happened and move to a place of forgiveness.
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