Talk:Snorlax/GA1

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Nominator: Pokelego999 (talk · contribs) 23:23, 11 June 2024 (UTC)Reply

Reviewer: Ca (talk · contribs) 13:52, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

Hi, I will be reviewing this article for the July Backlog Drive! Since I am still new to GA reviewing, only having done 2 reviews prior, an experienced reviewer will also be taking a look. Of course, feel free to raise concerns or ask questions.

The article is professionally written and is understandable for most audiences. However, I did find some places that could be improved for clarity and a broader audience.

Lead: Firstly, I feel as if the leading sentence is a bit clunky. I recommend taking out the bit about Pocket Monster, since it is a lesser known expansion of pokemon, and is irrelevant to Snorlax itself.

• Fixed. Missed that when I did my initial edits to this article. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

In its English-language appearances, it was originally voiced by Michael Haigney, Ted Lewis and currently James Carter Cathcart. Does this mean Lewis and Haigney were both voice actors in the original English release or that Lewis came after Haigney?

• Removed, as a lot of that information isn't in the body, and I forgot to remove it when I removed the uncited material in the article. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

Conception and characteristics: An earlier design, nicknamed "Kabiin," highly resembles Snorlax and Nishino, and is thus believed to be a beta version of Snorlax. Consider changing "beta" to "earlier" for those unfamiliar with software development terminology.

• Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

...appearance or features as a means to make the characters more relatable to American children"as means to" sounds awkward here. How about simply "to"?

• Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

...localizer Bill Giese renamed the species Snorlax"renamed" might confuse readers, since the Japanese name stayed the same.

• Changed simply to "named the species in American releases..." Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

lackadaisicalConsider linking this word to wiktionary

• Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

via breeding a Snorlax that is holding Full IncenseClarify Full Incense is a in-game item

• Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

Appearances:Snorlax is among the handful of Pokemon to possess a unique Z-Move. In Snorlax's case, it can use Pulverizing Pancake as long as it is holding Snorlium Z and knows Giga ImpactThis is a bit overwhelming for those who didn't play pokemon. How about adding labels like"Snorlax is among the handful of Pokemon to possess a unique attack ability Z-Move. In Snorlax's case, it can use its ability Pulverizing Pancake as long as it is holding the item Snorlium Z and knows the skill Giga Impact"

• Reworded. Let me know if this description suffices. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

Promotion and reception:Following earthquakes, Niantic boosted the spawn rates of Snorlax in affected prefectures in order to boost tourism in the areaIn which game?

• Can't believe I forgot to include that. Fixed. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

A road in Las Vegas was named after SnorlaxRecommend wikilinking the city

• Done. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

IGN editor "Pokémon of the Day Chick" Is Pokémon of the Day Chick a series of article or something? Clarification is needed.

• They're an author going under a pseudonym. Not sure it's necessary in the article given that many other pseudonym-based authors without known identities often don't have this kind of clarification. Let me know what you feel should be done, in this case. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 18:31, 2 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

• I recommend removing the name since it doesn't help readers identify the author and only causing confusion. "Pokémon of the Day Chick" does not appear to be a notable figure. Ca ^{talk to me!} 07:22, 3 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

• I replaced this reference with one from Den of Geek, a reliable source per WP:VG/S. The ref was an accidental duplicate as is.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 11:01, 3 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

• Media and the Make-believe Worlds of Children clarify this is a book.

Manual of Style: I feel as if the second paragraph of the lead could be merged to the first one or be expanded. The bit about Pokémon Sleep is awkwardly tacked on, and I don't think it's mascot appearance in an obscure game is all that notable. Maybe it could be added to a prior paragraph mentioning "spin-off titles like as the mascot of Pokemon Sleep". Consider including some more details about reception too.

• I expanded out the lead. I don't think with what we have though we can push it much bigger than that sadly.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 11:30, 3 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

Nitpick:Ref 17 has a cite error. Although not required by the criteria, it would be nice to have consistency in linking publication and adding all the basic parameters like publisher, author, date, which some citations lack.Ca ^{talk to me!} 07:22, 3 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

• Fixed.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 11:01, 3 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

I did a search in multiple places in Japanese, Korean, and English and this article is very comprehensive, there is not much more info to add before running into WP:DUE concerns. Good job. 👍

Spotchecks:As of this revisionRef 11, 46, 55, 25, 44, 35 verifies the claim.

Ref 40 is good too, but clarify that Snorlax isn't unique in this.

• Clarified. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:20, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

I used a translation software on Ref 2, and I couldn't find any mention of the part where it says ...inspired in behavior and appearance by veteran Pokémon game designer Kōji Nishino.

• I've added another source clarifying that Nishino was the inspiration. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:20, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

The bit about Kabiin contains weasel wording, when it os just one source's analysis. I was concerned about the Valnet source TheGamer, but it is reliable post August 2020, according to WP:VGRS.

• When I read the source, I interpreted it as simply stating a commonly held consensus. I may be wrong of course, so if you feel it needs correction I'll do so, but weasel wording wasn't my intention. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:20, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

I don't think it is a commonly held consensus since it is only found in one source, and the source does not cite anybody else.

TheGamer says Kabiin somewhat resemble Snorlax, so you should make the wording closer to the source. Ca ^{talk to me!} 00:41, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

@Ca I've reworded it. Is this good or do you think it should be changed further? Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 01:20, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

As for the bit about the Earthquake spawn increase, I recommend using these sources instead since they have more context and is in English. [1] [2]

• I've added them alongside the original source. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:20, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

ref 24 has the wrong publisher, its ComicBook.com, not GAMING

• Comicbook.com does this with the auto-cite and I miss it sometimes. Thanks for the catch. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:20, 5 July 2024 (UTC)Reply

Reliability:

I don't really like the amount of listicles cited, but I guess there is not much you can do. A lot of Valnet are cited, but it is OK for basic claims.